Gundam BS!
by Flux
Summary: Gundam BS! The epic journey of our, "Hiro" (Heh heh, it's even funnier INSIDE the fanfic!) Hiro Yui and his escapades in the magical land of Dinglewomp. *CLICK ON STORY LINK FOR FREE CANDY!* This fanfic is quite possibly, the greatest Gundam fanfic EVER
1. Fighting and Stuff

This is living proof of an afterbirth of a thought 
    
    
    (DISCLAIMER: I'm not using the characters of Gundam. These are my own
    origional characters, with COMPLETELY different names. And hence, you
    may think I'm spelling all of the characters' names wrong. But since they
    aren't the real characters from the show, I can spell their names ANY
    WAY I WANT! And guess what? YOU CAN'T STOP ME YOU CORPORATE RUNNING DOG
    PUKES! BWA HA HA HA! EAT FLAMING-HOT JUSTICE!)
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Gundam BS!
    By Flux Capacitor
    Episode 1: Battle and stuff
    --For the pissant who made Gundam Wing: EAT THIS!--
    "Blarg!" Wing-Zero's pilot, Hiro Yui blarg'd as his gundam's
    transmission fell out the bottom of his Gundam landing with a large
    crash, nearly killing a passerby group of orphans and small puppies.
    "Hmm.. what the HELL is wrong here??" He flipped through his book,
    "Gundam Operation for Dummies"
    "Lesse... chapter 7... page 60" Hiro quickly flipped the pages until
    he came aross one of those funny comics in the Dummies books that
    catches your attention whenever you try to find something in specifics.
    (I LOVE those things! They kill me!)
    "heh heh." He laughed as he read the DO's and DONT's section,
    "AS A GUNDAM PILOT, YOU MUST FOLLOW THESE DO's AND DONT's:
    -First-
    DO: Blow up stuff.
    DON'T: Blow up stuff that you're supposed to. ::Remember:: Screwing
    up the mission makes it more fun for EVERYONE! (And it keeps the series
    from getting cancelled.)"
    He stopped reading when all of a sudden....
    "ROAR!" something said through his comm-unit.
    "What is it, Buttface?" he asked
    "Uhh... I challenge you to a Poke-... I mean, a Mobile Suit battle!"
    the attacker said, Yui wasnt paying attention, because his Air
    conditioner was acting up again.
    "Work! Damn you.. WORK!" Yui Yelled as he smacked the dials with a
    rolled up porno magazine.
    "WELL?!?!" the other guy sounded impatient
    "Could you hold on? I need to go pee." Hiro communuicated
    "?? .. what? no! Fight me! I want a battle! I need to show you Im
    the superior mobile suit trainer!" the other guy said, Hiro looked up
    to the viewscreen as he tried to get to the toilet in his Gundam to see
    a BIG mobile suit with wording spraypainted on the chest plate saying:
    "Pikachu" on it.
    *A MINUTE LATER*
    "Are you done YET?" the other pilot whined
    "Yeah...uhh.. wait... oh.. dang.. Nope. Ill be right back." Hiro
    had just sat down when the urge came back to him again. "Darn Taco Bell.."
    "aww Shi..." His words were cut off as Hiro clicked off the radio so
    he could have some peace while on the can.
    *MEANWHILE IN THE OTHER MOBILE SUIT*
    "Pokemon! Gotta catch em aaaall! PO-KE-MON!" the driver sung to
    himself, as he breezed through a comic book and sipped on a beer.
    "hmmm.. maybe I should change my Suit's name to Squirtle...." he
    thought to himself.
    the driver climbed out of his mobile suit, wielding a can of
    spraypaint.
    *A FEW MINUTES LATER*
    "Allright! Im ready to go!" he said as he tried to comunicate death
    messages to the unwitting Hiro.
    *IN HIRO's GUNDAM*
    *beep beep!* The radio repeatedly beeped at Hiro. Noting an incoming
    message
    "Damnit! Im not Done Yet!" he quickly whipped out a pistol and blasted
    the radio into non-working order from his vantage on the toilet.
    *IN THE OTHER SUIT AGAIN*
    "Pokemon! Gotta catch em aaaall! Poke.. HEY! whats this button do??"
    the driver, who diddnt exactly know HOW to pilot a mobile suit, asked
    himself as he fingered at a big red button marked "SELF DESTRUCT"
    Of course, as you'd guess, the mobile suit was blown up without a
    trace.
    *IN YUI's GUNDAM*
    "Heeeey.." Yui said sadly as he sat down, noting the enemy mobile suit
    was gone now.
    "Hiro! New Mission!" Some general guy crackled in on Yui's "EMERGENCY:
    ONLY IN CASE YUI WAS ON THE POTTY AND HE GOT MAD AT HIS OLD RADIO FOR
    BEEPING SO HE SHOT IT AND ITS BROKEN NOW" Radio.
    "Uhhh.. I'm busy" Hiro radioed as he clicked off that radio too.
    *beep beep*.... *beep beep*..... *beep bee- BLAM!*
    "MAN! cant you people see Im doing something???" Hiro said as he
    holstered his gun and began to reorganize his library of empty skittles
    bags.
    What adventures will Hiro come up against in his NEXT adventure???
    FIND OUT! by reading the next EXCITING episode of Gundam BS!
    


	2. Girls are Hot

It's getting interesting... it's getting VERY interesting! 
    
    
    GUNDAM BS!
    By Flux Capacitor
    Episode 2: Girls who get in the way.
    --For my special girl, wherever you're hiding.--
    Hiro Yui was out prancing in his Gundam, as if he had nothing
    better to do.. stomping inadvertently on small houses, and
    schools.
    "Sorry!" He yelled out the window to an infuriated bunch of
    people who's house he had just squashed.
    "Heh heh... I am Godzilla!" He pressed buttons on his control
    panel causing his Gundam to stomp a lot. Screams were heard
    below.
    "I constantly forget that this Gundam is 5 stories tall! Oh
    well.. Im gonna see if I can open a beer can with my laser
    sword!" he tossed out a beer can and swung his laser sword
    around carelessly. ending up destroying a nearby animal
    Shelter.. allowing the entrapped animals to escape and attack
    the populous.
    "Akk!" a citizen cried from below "The puppies! They bite! God
    help us!"
    All of a sudden, Hiro's fun was stopped by his radio's
    beeping.
    "Grrr..." *BLAM BLAM! pwing pwing!* the bullets glanced off
    of the radio's face... Hiro looked puzzlingly at his gun.
    "Ha Ha Hiro!" some General guy said on the radio "We made your
    radio rather bulletproof since your last repair st..*shhhhk!*"
    he began to say, but Hiro had already taken a blowtorch to it
    and had melted the radio off of the dashboard.
    "*Beep Beep!* Hiro! I'll get to the point. We need you to go
    back to school! As a Covert Op!" the general buzzed in on the
    emergency "ONLY IN CASE HIRO MANAGED TO FIND A WAY TO DESTROY
    HIS NEW RADIO AND THE GENERAL REALLY NEEDS TO GET A HOLD OF
    HIM" radio.
    "Geez! Wont you Shut UP?!" Hiro had the blowtorch leveled on
    the other radio when the general quickly said...
    "You'll get to meet chicks and pick fights and we'll give you
    spending money!" the general guy quickly added, staying Hiro's
    hand.
    "Hmm... NOW you're talkin'!" Hiro said with a smile settling
    across his lips... whereas he melted the radio with the
    blowtorch just for fun afterwards.
    *At School the Next Day*
    "Okay Hiro" the General-Guy said through Hiro's Cell-phone,
    "We need you to collect data on famed... uhhh... GUY Maxfield
    Stanton, through his daughter, Uglina Stanton so we can hold
    her hostage later, and force him to pay us an INSANE amount of
    money! Hoo Hoo! Im going to Bermuda!"
    "Uhh... Im not too sure about this _Uglina_ girl..." Hiro
    began
    "Nonsense! Its just a name!" the general assured him.
    "Oh... Then I reckon that'll be no problem." Hiro said as he
    clicked off his cell-phone and then tossed it into the
    fountain.
    "Beep beep!" Yui's emergency: "IN CASE HE THREW HIS OTHER
    PHONE IN THE FOUNTAIN" phone began to ring.
    "Yui here." he answered
    "Oh, and by the way, if you look at your schedule, you'll have
    all the classes SHE does." the general guy said.
    "Ok, Bye." he said as he chucked his other phone onto the
    ground, where it was trampled by a waiting herd of elephants.
    He whipped out his schedule... and read...
    1: Home-Economics
    2: Remedial Gym for Girls (NOT a good sign.)
    3: Sewing
    4: Cleaning 101
    "Ugh" Yui groaned
    5: Drink Tea Class
    6: Talk About Hot Guys Class
    7: Talk About MORE Hot Guys Class
    8: Prance Around Like a Girl Class
    While the last class did have its merits, Hiro didn't like
    this AT ALL.
    *1st period*
    When Hiro sat down and looked around his class... he
    noticed...
    1) It smelled purty
    2) It was full of girls
    3) Most of these girls were guys.
    He looked at one standing right next to him.. sporting a
    beard... and a bonnet. He looked towards Hiro and curtsied.
    "*AHEM* Im Bonnie." he introduced herself, Yui relocated
    himself.
    _What was going on here?_
    Then from out of nowhere came a girl, who Yui could tell was a
    girl by the fact that she had no facial hair, and had huge...
    uhh... MORALS by the way she dressed... (?)
    Anyways, she sat down next to him.
    "Hi! You're new right? Im Uglina Stanton!" Dang! It sure WAS
    'just a name'!
    "Hello... Miss Stanton, Im Jose, Jose Rodrigues Estoy Taco Del
    Mar." of course, Yui was Japanese wasn't he?... DAMN!
    "Okay class... lets all sit down." the teacher said
    When all of a sudden....
    Ninjas BURST in through the windows! and all of the
    Man-Females in the room removed their garb to produce Automatic
    weapons and training bras!
    The class was being held hostage...
    Yui fumlbled around on his person for some kind of
    communication device, but none was to be found! (DOH!)
    "Okay! Were taking Uglina as our Hostage! So don't try
    anything funny!" one of them said "Especially you, CLOWN!"
    He eyeballed a clown who was juggling bowling pins in the
    corner of the room.
    "I'm workin here!" The clown objected, as he then kept on doing
    what he did best... Scaring children! Meanwhile, two other guards
    grabbed Uglina and moved her out the door.
    "Uh oh..." Yui thought to himself "if she gets kidnapped
    before WE can kidnap her... uhh... thats a BAD thing!"
    One of the armed-guard guys went over to Hiro and looked at
    him...
    "You sure are an ugly girl" he said
    _GIRL?!!_
    Hiro had had-enough.....
    "Power Up!" He screamed as he stood up and waved his arms
    around, beginning to transform into something.
    "Huh?" all the guards asked unanimously.
    Hiro, or should I say, THE RED RANGER! took off from his spot
    and attacked the first guard near him.
    "Karate Chop!" Hiro yelled as he then chopped the guard, and
    he fell over.
    "Oh No!" one of the guards said, "He knows the Karate Chop! We
    are all doomed!"
    "We must flee the room!" Other guards said under bad lip-sync
    as they ran screaming from the room.
    Then one the girls who were being held prisoner ran to Hiro
    and said "You have to save Uglina! Here!" She reached down her
    shirt, where girls store everything "take this magical sword
    and shield, it is the only way you can defeat the Evil Wizard
    of Knosh!" she pulled a sword and Shield out of her shirt and
    reached in again "And take this magical cow! it will protect
    you from the demonlords!" she produced a large cow from her
    shirt, "And take my little brother too! he needs to potty!" she
    produced her little brother from out of her shirt and handed
    him to Hiro.
    Hiro un-transformed "Easy lady, I just need to find Uglina.."
    "oh." the girl said as she quickly stuffed everything down her
    shirt again, her little brother screamed as he was pushed back
    into the abyss that was 'that girl's shirt'.
    But now, Hiro was off to find Uglina! What adventures will
    Hiro face in the next exciting episode of Gundam BS!
    


	3. Hiro's Friend

SAMMI! Happi Birthday! 
    
    
    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 3 :: Hiro makes a Friend.
    --FOR SAMMI ON HER BIRTHDAY!--
    Hiro ran down the halls of the school after the kidnappers as they
    tried to escape with the rich guy's daughter who had the great rack...
    (Hmm... what was her name anyways?)
    He ran faster and caught up to one of the guards, the last person in
    the escaping kidnapper group. He was lagging behind because he was
    hitting on a few girls on the swim-team. (Ugh.. hairy legs... blech!)
    "So.. are you girls like... good at swimming?" He asked them before
    Hiro pounced on him with cat-like speed. The girls giggled and ran off
    when Hiro did this.
    "KARATE CHOP!" Hiro yelled as he began to pummel the crap out of the
    guard.
    "Hey! Whats your *OOF* Problem! They were totally *OUCH* into me!" the
    guard whined.
    "Tell me where the rest of you are headed or I'll start a rumor about
    you saying that you stink!" Hiro warned him.
    "Eek!" the tackled guard screamed "Don't do THAT!! I'll tell you! They
    are on their way to our secret hideout!"
    "Okay then." Hiro jumped off of the guard and ran out of the school.
    Outside he found a pay-phone, and he dialled up his boss, the general
    guy.
    "Hello, General Guy here." the general guy answered
    "General, We have a problem!" Hiro related the story, and then ended
    with, "I'm going after them!"
    "Oh, Hiro.. Its Imperative that you DONT do any the following, or else
    the world will explod-" Hiro ripped the reciever out of the payphone
    with a screwdriver and ran to the school parking-lot.
    "Gundam! Come here!" He yelled when he got to the school parking lot
    A huge Gundam came stomping out of the parking lot, smashing cars and
    stuff.
    "Excuse me young man. But students can't leave the school until AFTER
    the designated school hours. Would you like a detention?" The principal
    had snuck up on Hiro when he wasnt looking.. DRAT!
    "Uhh... KARATE CHOP!" Hiro chopped the principal, who exploded.
    Hiro climbed into his Gundam and went off to the secret hideout on his
    own.
    Hiro finally made it to the secret hideout, in the center of the
    busiest part of the city... Where he was immediately confronted by
    another Gundam.
    "You have dishonored me." the pilot beeped in on his radio.
    Hiro didn't like this at all.
    "Oh yeah?" Hiro emptied a soda into his radio...
    *IN THE OTHER GUNDAM*
    "SCREEE!!!" the radio hissed and made lots of feedback noises.
    "Yaah! Dishonor!" The pilot obviously didn't like that.
    "You have dishonored me again!" the pilot yelled "I will teach you to
    dishonor the name of Shang Wufay!"
    *IN HIRO'S GUNDAM*
    "Wait!" Hiro yelled out the window to the other pilot, "We should be
    friends!"
    "Uhh... No!" The other pilot yelled back as he raised a gun to fire at
    Hiro with.
    "Doh! that never works!" Hiro cussed.
    They began to fight.
    *IN OTHER GUNDAM*
    Shang was talking to himself a lot as he fought the other Gundam...
    "Dishonor me will ya?... You can go dishonor yourself! You dishonoring
    little Freak!"
    He ducked his Gundam to the left to avoid a super laser blast of
    death... that flew by him and struck a nearby church.
    "DIIISSSHOOONOOORRR!" he yelled.
    *IN YUI'S GUNDAM*
    "Are you tired of fighting yet?" Hiro yelled to the other Gundam
    pilot.
    "No!" the other pilot yelled back
    "Wanna stop this and be friends?" Hiro asked
    "No!" The other Pilot said
    "I have to pee!" Hiro alerted the other pilot.
    "Me Too!" the other pilot yelled back
    "Wanna stop now and be friends?" Hiro asked
    "Okay!" the other pilot agreed
    *ABOUT 5 MINUTES LATER*
    Both Hiro and Shang were out of their Gundams moving to enter the
    secret hideout.
    They entered into a room....
    "Damn" Hiro cussed
    "Dishonor..." Shang mumbled as they both saw about a BZILLION armed
    guards standing with guns pointed at Uglina... A man standing in the
    middle of the room wearing-a-mask, walked closer to the pilots and
    gestured to himself importantly.
    "You, the infamous GUNDAM pilots... cannot stop me! For I am ZECKS!"
    Glittery explosions and pyrotechnics went off in the room as he said
    this.
    Hiro started to laugh.
    "Waitaminit.... " Hiro chuckled "Why is it again that we cannot stop
    you?"
    The man looked confused "Because I am ZECKS!" More glitter and
    pyrotechnics filled the room.
    "BWA HA HA!" Hiro was totally ROFLMAO.
    "What? What is so funny about this?" the man looked very flustered
    "This is not fair! I am ZECKS!" (more glitter and pyrotechnics.)
    Now, by this time, the room was so filled with Glitter and Smoke,
    (From the use of the word "ZECKS!") that Hiro and Shang quickly grabbed
    Uglina out from under the guard's noses and took her out to their
    waiting Gundams.
    "She can come in my Gundam." Hiro said as he took her into his Gundam
    and Shang got into his.
    *IN HIRO'S GUNDAM*
    Hiro and Uglina were boinking like rabbits.
    _ To be Continued. _
    


	4. ZECKS!

If you are reading this... BURN ON YOU! 
    
    
    GUNDAM BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 4: ZECKS!
    -For Cait-Sith (I just thought I should dedicate one of
    these chapters to you. But don't go thinking this makes you COOL
    or anything... DORKWAD!)--
    Back in Hiro's Gundam, Hiro and Uglina had finally stopped their
    piquent behavior when Wufay's Gundam casually smashed into theirs
    for an unknown reason.
    "*BEEP BEEP!* Hiro! This is Shang! We've got company!... uhh..
    Dishonor!" the radio blared... Hiro looked out the window to see a
    bzillion mobile suits with guns firing at him and Shang.
    "Dagnabbit!" He said as he wiped the lipstick off of his face. He got
    up and slammed a button on the console marked "--'Paradise City' By
    Guns and Roses--"
    The Gundam's loudspeakers then began to blare "Paradise City" By Guns
    and Roses, at the enemy. Uglina and Hiro watched through the
    viewscreen of the Gundam, as Axel Rose's inability to hit a decent high
    note, worked its way into the enemy ranks.
    Hiro scanned the enemy frequencies to find-out if they were
    surrendering yet.
    "*Hiss Crackle* GOD NO! I DONT WANNA LIVE!" one enemy communicated, as
    an enemy mobile suit in the viewscreen suddenly exploded. Pilots
    began jumping out of their mobile suits and running off. Most weren't
    able to even stand when Axel sung that infamous note coordination of,
    "OH WON'T YOU PLEEEEAASE TAKE ME HOOOOOME!"
    "That'll teach em." Hiro said as he turned the music off.
    "You shouldn't be so tough on them." Uglina told him.
    "Snuh." Hiro replied
    "ooOOoo! lookie! Ice cream!" Uglina's attention was immediately drawn
    by Hiro's onboard Ice-Cream maker, she ran off to go poke at it.
    "*BEEP BEEP* HIRO! There's another Enemy approaching!" Shang
    communicated.
    "DAMMIT! You handle this! I'm busy!" Hiro communicated back as he
    chased after a BIG spider in his Gundam with a broom.
    "Don't dishonor me Hiro... or I'll *SMASH*" Hiro bludgeoned the radio
    with a hammer.
    "You should take your job more seriously." Uglina told him. "Ice
    cream?" She offered him a cone.
    "Meh." Hiro explained as he grabbed the ice-cream cone.
    *In Shang's Gundam*
    A froofy-looking purple Mobile suit approached Shang's postition
    "You shouldn't have stolen Uglina from under my nose!" the pilot
    communicated.
    "Who the dishonor are you?" Shang asked
    "Why, I am ZECKS!" At that time, a cloud of glitter and pyrotechnics
    burst out of the Gundam.
    "Blargh!" Shang yelled as he charged in to attack.
    "You cannot hurt me Gundam pilot!" Zecks taunted Shang.
    "Why the dishonor not?" Shang questioned angrily.
    "Because I am.... ZECKS!" Zecks proclaimed.
    "GASP!" Shang gasped, as if this were something new.
    "BWA HA HA HA!" Zecks said.
    Instantly, a cloud of glitter exploded from out of the mobile suit...
    It covered everything... and Shang couldn't see...
    "DOH!" Shang Yelled.
    "BWA HA HA HA!" Zecks laughed.
    "DOH!" Shang Yelled.
    "BWA HA HA HA!" Zecks laughed.
    "DOH!" Shang Yelled.
    "BWA HA HA HA!" Zecks laughed.
    This went on for a few minutes. And then the glitter cleared and Shang
    noticed that Zecks's Mobile suit hadn't moved.
    "??" Shang wondered
    "OH! Dang! I should have attacked while you were unable to see me!"
    Zecks said as he ran in to attack.
    *Back in Yui's Gundam*
    Uglina and Hiro were playing Blitz 2000 on the Gundam's viewscreen.
    Uglina was beating the pants off of Hiro.
    "BOOYEAH!" Uglina gloated "75 to 12!"
    "Ehh.. lucky pass" Hiro said
    "You are my BITCH!" Uglina repeated over and over.
    "I dont wanna play anymore.... I think I should help Shang fight that
    mobile suit." Hiro made up a stupid excuse and turned off the game.
    "ooOOoo! waffles!" Uglina's attention was instantly drawn away by
    Hiro's on-board wafflemaker.
    Hiro looked to the viwscreen to see Shang and a purple mobile suit
    fighting a lot.
    Hiro pressed the button marked "--Fran Drescher laugh--"
    Then a little warning light turned on atop the dashboard... lighting
    an error message, and bringing up the "SUPER-DUPER EMERGENCY" radio....
    The general guy chimed in on the radio "DAMMIT HIRO! DON'T DO IT! HE'S
    A HUMAN BEI- *SCHZZZZ*" Hiro, being the quick thinker he is, urinated
    tactfully on the dashboard causing numerous short circuits, and by
    error, playing the horrid noise at full volume.....
    The world exploded.
    "DAMN YOU GUNDAM PILOTS!" Zecks cursed as he was flung off into outer
    space.
    "Heh, you're not so tough." Hiro gloated.
    "Hiro!" Uglina called after Hiro. But Hiro was busy doing his 'cool pose'.
    "HIRO! Stop that! You're going to get scoliosis!" She jabbed a waffle
    in his face. "Waffle?"
    *IN SHANG's GUNDAM*
    "Why is his radio ALWAYS broken?" Shang tried to tune into Hiro's
    frequency to cuss at him for blowing up the planet.
    *2 MONTHS LATER*
    The world got better and soon, everyone was healthy again, and Hiro
    and Uglina's 9 kids were all out and about, enrolled in assorted
    private schools without being allowed to know of each other's
    existence, (So as to create a viable option for a plot twist later.)
    And Shang was busy being a badass, because he finally got his badass's
    liscence 2 weeks prior...
    "Hey Shang, lets go out and start an international incident!" Hiro
    said through the door to Shang's Gundam.
    "No. You go be dishonorable by yourself, I'm busy meditating." Shang
    said badassedly.
    "What? 'Masturbating'?" Hiro asked loudly, several nuns walking by
    took considerable offense and flipped Hiro off.
    "NO Dishonor-it! I'm meditating!" Shang snapped
    "Medicating?" Hiro asked "Drugs are bad you know."
    "DISHONOR! I SAID, 'MEDITATING'!" Shang yelled back.
    "WHAT? 'You're stupid, and... you smell like poop, and you roll in
    poop and then you eat the poop you roll in....'?" Hiro asked.
    "*ROAR!* (Dishonor)" Shang yelled
    "HA HA! Just kidding!" Hiro laughed as he carefully set a flaming bag
    of dog-doo on Shang's front door, knocked, and ran off.
    Wait and see what EXCITING adventures our hero's will encounter in the
    next episode of GUNDAM BS!
    


	5. The Hat that Rocks!

WARNING! IF YOU DONT LIKE BEING OFFENDED... PLEASE READ! 
    
    
    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 5 "Bastard stole my Hat!"
    -For Juki-puki! She liked it enough to earn this dedication.-
    One day, in the happy land of leprechauns, Hiro was romping
    around in his Gundam, stepping on things...
    "NOOOOO!" One particularly happy leprechaun screamed in horror,
    "Ye crushed me frosted Lucky-Charms!"
    But Hiro fled the scene before the leprechaun people could turn
    him into a daisy.
    "Hiro!" Uglina yelled at Hiro through his radio. "Come back to
    base! Another Gundam pilot showed up on our door! And I think
    he's GAY!"
    "What?! Gay!? Why on earth would you make such an off-the-wall
    assumption? There isn't a possibility that ANY character in this
    series is gay. All of us Gundam pilots are confident, sturdy
    young-boys, who are comfortable with our sexuality.... uhh...
    Being straight, that is." Hiro really didn't like faggots.
    "WHAT!? Hey! I never said that!" Hiro, like the moron he was,
    began to hopelessly argue with the narrator in defense of the gay
    kid.
    "STOP SAYING THAT!" Hiro began to fantasize about the gay kid.
    How the gay kid's sultry touch would send shivers down Hiro's
    spine. How Hiro would long for the caress of the gay kid's silken
    hands...
    "AUGH!" Hiro ran off screaming like a girl into the bathroom of
    his Gundam, where the narrator couldn't get to him. (Frooty
    little priss.)
    *BACK AT BASE*
    Uglina and the gay-kid were sewing and talking about
    Ricky-Martin in the living room.
    "Yeah, he is." Uglina began, "And I think Hiro is too. He just
    doesn't wanna admit it." Uglina then told the gay-kid.
    "Really?" The gay kid asked Uglina with big, bright, sensual
    woman's eyes.
    A minute later, Shang and that stupid queer Hiro walked in.
    "Who is this?" Hiro asked Uglina.
    The gay kid cut in....
    "My name is Katra Rababa Winner!" he said, flicking his wrists
    at all the accents in his name.
    "Okay, lets just agree now to NEVER use your middle or last name
    again." Hiro said.
    *OVER TEA LATER THAT NIGHT IN THE TEA ROOM*
    Hiro and Uglina left Shang and Katra to talk while they went to
    "Go get ice cream" from the kitchen of the base. But they had now
    been out of the room for 2 hours and hadn't yet returned with ice
    cream, and Shang knew that he was going to need to _talk_ to
    Katra eventually.
    Shang rolled his eyes...
    "So...." He said
    "Im gay!" Katra screamed
    "....." Shang gulped.
    Katra's eyes opened wider, and then he blushed for absolutely no
    reason.
    "So I hear you like flowers?" Shang asked
    "Oh yes.. I love flowers... I always dreamed of being a
    bride.... Oh yes! I'm so gay!" Katra lost himself in gay-time.
    Shang groaned in disgust. He was massively uncomfortable right
    now. He needed a distraction.
    "OUCH!" Shang quickly stabbed himself in the spleen with a fork
    he had been heating-up over a lighter for the past 2 hours.
    "Oops! I have to go and clean myself up now!" Shang ran out of
    the room, bleeding internally.
    But that was a mistake, for now Katra was free to roam around
    the base... now doing "gay" things as he pleased.
    To Be Continued!
    


	6. Klondike Bar

More gay-bashin fun on the way! 
    
    
    Gundam BS! :: By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 6 :: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
    --For anyone who calls me a homophobe after reading this.--
    Hiro and Uglina ran into Shang while they were walking around the
    base.
    "Ass!" Shang yelled, "You left me alone with that monster! What the
    dishonor is wrong with you?"
    "He's not a monster!" Uglina scolded Shang "He's just gay!"
    "Point being?" Shang questioned her.
    "AUGH!" a scream was heard down the hall.
    Then someone yelled in panic, "Dont let him touch you! Or you'll start
    craving men!"
    "Wait... Shang..." Hiro said. "You didn't just _LEAVE_ him alone
    there and run off did you?"
    Shang dodged the subject "Oh lookie! I'm bleeding! Gotta run!" he
    quickly ran off and avoided the blame.
    "AUGH! That idiot!" Hiro yelled.
    "Hiro!" Uglina snapped, "He's an ordinary person, no different from you
    or I. He's just gay! OKAY?!"
    Hiro turned to Uglina....
    "No, Uglina, you don't get it." He said, "Gay people aren't human. They
    are like some sort of hell-creature.... Right now, our friend Katra is
    looking for someone so he can lay eggs in their rectum... Later, those
    eggs will hatch, and the host will later die of severe hemmorhoids. And
    the babies will claw their way out of the host's vas defferens, and
    then..."
    "CHRIST HIRO!" Uglina slapped him, "You're SICK!"
    "Fine." Hiro said. "Don't believe me. It's your funeral."
    To be Continued
    


	7. Spiderman!

To get rid of my painful bloating, I turn to, "Bullemia"! 
    
    
    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 7 "The Spider"
    --For Sonic Blade, since he's stuck in his own
    nightmare-world at the moment.--
    "AUGH!... AUUUGH!!" The screams coming from down the hall were
    getting louder. Hiro and Shang were getting edgy about what they would
    find, as they stood, anticipating what was to happen.
    "I bet those dishonorable babies of his are hatching right now..."
    Shang growled bitterly.
    "Shut UP!" Uglina hit Shang really hard with a billy-club.
    "OW! Dishonorable little Bi-.."
    "QUIET!" Hiro hissed "You you want him to know we're here?"
    All 3 people stood in the hallway as the screaming got louder and
    louder....
    Until...
    _**"Eek!"**_ Shang screamed "A spider! Run away!"
    _..but it was too late.._
    The spider had already descended upon the group before they could
    escape.. and it _eviscerated_ Shang with one blow, and then used
    it's psychokinesis to cause Hiro's head to **explode** like a
    _watermelon_ stuffed **with** dynamite...
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!11" Uglina screamed as she flailed her arms and
    ran around in circles.
    ...
    "Uglina... Wake up!" Hiro was prodding her with a taser.
    "OUCH! What the hell are you doing Hiro?!" She swatted the taser out
    of his hand.
    "I couldn't find a sharp-stick." Hiro explained.
    Uglina sat up to find herself in the tea room with Hiro, Shang, and
    Katra. She must have fallen asleep while on the couch drinking her tea
    with the group. Katra was sitting on the other couch, reading a
    Playboy, next to Shang, who was poking at a spider, which was idly
    crawling on the arm of the couch.
    "Katra?... Are you gay?" Uglina asked him.
    "What? HEY! Don't insult me like that! Bein' gay is for faggots!"
    Katra said angrily, in an absurdly manly tone.
    Had this all been a dream?
    "It was all a dream." Hiro explained.
    Oh... ok.
    ...But then.... The spider Shang was poking at, jumped on Shang and
    bit him!... IN HALF! Then Katra tried to swat the spider with his
    playboy in desperation... but the spider fired a Kamehameha wave at
    Katra... VAPORIZING HIM INSTANTLY! Hiro quickly grabbed Uglina and
    used her as a shield, just when the spider took up a flamethrower and
    turned to face them...
    ...
    "AAHH!" Uglina snapped out of her dream within a dream...
    "It was all a dream Uglina" a large spider with a teapot told Uglina
    as he then poured her a cup of earl grey.
    "Oh... *PHEW*" Uglina gasped and regained her panicked body with deep
    breaths.
    "You must be very tired." Another giant spider said, sitting on the
    couch across the way from Uglina.
    "Tea?" The spider handed Uglina a cup filled with tea.
    "Yes please..." She bent forward to take a sip....
    Then, in alert, her eyes snapped open... looking at the texture of the
    steaming liquid....
    "AHH! THIS ISNT DECAF!!" She howled as she flung the hot tea across
    the room.
    "BLAAH!" it landed on an elderly woman in a wheelchair as she was
    moving by.
    ...
    "AHH!" Hiro screamed as he woke up in a cold sweat... Uglina and
    Shang were standing over him.
    "It was all a dream..." Uglina said, as Hiro then took out some
    marijuana and toked-up to sooth his battered nerves.
    "HIRO!" Uglina quickly snatched away his joint and pocketed it for
    later personal use, quickly following with the line, "Drugs are BAD!"
    "Where's Katra?" Hiro asked frantically.
    "Who?" Uglina and Shang asked him.
    "ALLRIGHT!" Hiro got up and jumped for joy. It HAD all been a dream.
    Katra didn't even exist!
    ...
    "Hiro! Wake up!" Katra was shaking Hiro.
    "Aww Sh-" Hiro began.
    "HIRO! Don't cuss!" Uglina slapped Hiro.
    "Hiro are you okay?" Katra's woman-eyes pierced Hiro's soul with a
    silky gaze, and then...
    "AGH! Get offa me!" He kicked Katra in the stomach, launching him
    across the room.
    "Ooh.. tingly." Katra tittered, as he got up and then skipped out of
    the room.
    "Well.. it looks like we have ourselves another Gundam pilot." Shang
    said.
    "@#$%^&*" Hiro cussed.
    "HIRO!" Uglina slapped Hiro again.
    WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF GUNDAM BS? TUNE IN
    TO FIND OUT!
    


	8. Nanashi!

I'm almost at chapter 9! Are you all proud of me? 
    
    
    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 8: "Nanashi means, 'Seven-Shi's' in Japanese"
    --For Stargurl who just straight-out kicks ass!--
    It all started when the Gundam Pilots were out in the middle of the
    local jungle-park, Shang was trying to meditate, Hiro was making-out
    with Uglina, and Katra was... "Frolicking"
    "Dis-HONOR!" Shang snapped in two syllables, "STOP FROLICKING KATRA!"
    Katra giggled and continued his romping with the butterflies and
    squirrels, he then stopped and began playing with a large snake that
    was slithering on the ground.
    "Hee hee!" Tittered Katra. Shang reached for a nearby crossbow to
    silence Katra's flagrance once-and-for-all, but Uglina quickly beat
    Shang-up with her 'board-with-a-nail-stuck-in-it' that she kept in her
    purse at all times.
    "DONT BE MEAN!" Uglina snapped.
    "Dishonorable woman, I will take your scalp when you are not
    looking..." Shang mumbled.
    "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Uglina raised her board with a nail in it
    menacingly.
    "I said 'Katra's being eaten by a giant snake.'" Shang got up and
    walked over to his Gundam.
    "OH MY GOD!" Uglina screamed.
    Sure enough, Katra was trying to escape the maw of the giant snake he
    was earlier bothering.
    "GO SNAKE GO!" Hiro cheered, as Uglina removed a machete from her
    purse and began assaulting the snake in hopes to save Katra.
    "MMF!" Katra giggled.
    But just then, the sky turned dark as night... and the Gundam pilots
    all stopped what they were doing. (Except Katra... who was then
    swallowed entirely by the snake during this suspenseful moment.)
    A giant mobile suit zoomed over the horizon and landed in front of
    everyone.
    A dull voice boomed over the loudspeaker, "Are you all Gundam pilots?"
    "Yep!" Uglina said.
    "Then I must destroy you." the voice boomed.
    "She means, 'NO'." Hiro corrected.
    "Oh... then sorry to-..... WAIT! You all -ARE- the Gundam Pilots! I Must
    destroy you!" the suit moved in to attack.
    But Shang quickly picked up a rock and threw it at the giant
    mobile-suit...
    *Ping!.... KABOOOOOM!* The mobile suit exploded in a fiery flash.
    "?" Hiro asked.
    "*Shrug*" said Shang.
    Everything seemed as if it were to return to normal.... until...
    "Hello." a goofy-haired boy adressed the group.
    "Who the dishonor are you?" Shang asked.
    "I have no name." the man said.
    "DON'T give me that dishonorable 'Nanashi' CRAP!" Shang yelled
    furiously at the stranger.
    "What does 'Nanashi' mean?" Uglina asked Hiro.
    "I dunno" Hiro said, "I don't speak Japanese."
    "Those who wish to address me by something, call me 'Troa Barton'."
    the boy said.
    "BWA HA HA HA HAA!!!!11 That's a DISHONORABLY STUPID name!" Shang
    began to laugh uncontrollably and roll around on the ground, wetting
    himself.
    "Grrr..." the boy became angry. "Okay, okay... I have a REAL name...
    But you wont like it..."
    "It's okay, you can tell us." Uglina reassured the boy.
    The boy sighed, and looked around..
    "Okay... it's....
    ......Mortimer..." the boy mumbled.
    A few chuckles emanated from the group around the boy.
    "Hold on... I didn't hear you..." Hiro was fumbling for a tape
    recorder as he asked, "Could you repeat that?"
    "I said my name is MORTIMER!" the boy yelled irritatedly.
    "*click..rewind-noise..click* _I said my name is MORTIMER!"_ Hiro
    replayed the sound he had recorded, and now Hiro and Shang started
    laughing so hard that they were drooling on themselves.
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_
    "HIRO! STOP THAT!" Uglina clubbed Hiro with a baseball bat.. but he
    hit the button once again.
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_
    Shang and Hiro fell-over laughing and the boy became incredibly angry...
    "THATS IT! I WILL **DESTROY** ALL OF YOU!" He ran off and jumped
    into a Gundam that nobody knew was there, and he began stomping towards
    the group.
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_ ...Hiro kept on hitting the
    button and laughing his ass off.
    "HIRO!" Uglina fired a gunshot that zinged past Hiro's head to get
    his attention. "GET INTO YOUR GUNDAM BEFORE HE KILLS US ALL!"
    "Oh...*chuckle* Right.... Gundam! Come Here!" Hiro jumped into the air
    as his Gundam magically flew by and caught him, then putting him into
    it's cockpit.
    ***IN HIRO'S GUNDAM***
    "Gundam! POWER-UP!" The Gundam began to glow red with power.
    "Gundam! ULTRA MEGA-GUNDAM TRANSFORM!" The sky around Hiro shifted
    into a red-gradent as Hiro's Gundam danced around and grew four new
    sets of arms.
    "Gundam! SUPER TOTAL DEATH EXPLOSION BEAM ATTACK!" The Gundam fired a
    massive energy beam at Mortimer.
    _"AGH!"_ Mortimer howled over the radio... _"I WILL **DESTROY** YOU!"_
    "Oh yeah?" Hiro put a tape into his tape-deck and began to broadcast
    it over the radio...
    _...."I said my name is MORTIMER!"..._ the radio broadcast over
    and over.
    "AAARRGGGHHH!!!11" Mortimer roared as he charged Hiro and began to
    shoot all sorts of guns at him.
    "Gundam! SUPER-MEGA-ULTRA-GUNDAM-NEATO-KILLER-SUPERBEAM-GUN-FLASH!"
    Hiro declared powerfully as his Gundam then kicked Mortimer's Gundam in
    the shin, Mortimer's Gundam collapsed because of this.
    "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!11" Mortimer whined as he jumped out of the Gundam
    and began running around in circles.
    Hiro jumped out of his Gundam and addressed Mortimer, "Geez. Don't get
    so offended man! Do you WANT us to call you Mortimer or not?" Everyone
    else gathered behind Hiro and looked on.
    Mortimer then calmed down and said, "..I have no name... but those who
    wish to call me something, call me Troa Barton."
    "Okay then Troa." Uglina said.
    "Yeah." Shang agreed. "No dishonorable feelings?"
    Troa shook hands with the both of them. But something was wrong...
    Where had Hiro gone to?
    "Hiiiiiiirooo!" Uglina called out, "Where did you go?"
    _"I said my name is MORTIMER!"_ rang out from inside Hiro's Gundam...
    followed by tons of laughter.
    "MMF!" Katra giggled from inside the snake.
    TO BE CONTINUED IN GUNDAM BS! CHAPTER 9!
    


	9. Deuce Maxwell: Man of Mystery


    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 9: "Deuce Shinigami, male ...Giggolo?"
    --FOR ERIKA (Ain't nobody cuter than you, babe!)--
    "Hey everyone! Let's go to a dance club!" Katra squawked in a particularly
    feminine tone of unrefutable girlishness.
    "Ooh! That sounds like a GREAT idea Katra!" Uglina agreed. (As usual)
    "Auuuuggghhh!" Hiro moaned, "But Uglina... Dance clubs suck!"
    "Hee hee!" Katra tittered
    "DIS-HONOR!" Shang threw something at Katra that was hard and sharp, "STOP
    TITTERING YOU DISHONORABLE LITTLE POOF!"
    Katra instead giggled and then left the room.
    "I think its a good idea." Troa said in agreement.
    Shang and Hiro looked at each other and knew at that second that Troa was gay.
    "Three on two, you guys lose." Uglina took out a gun and pointed it at Hiro
    and Shang, thus forcing Hiro and Shang to get up.
    "But Katra doesnt count! He's a big flaming fa-" *WHUMP* "AGH!...." Hiro's
    voice cracked into a scream, as Uglina had just kicked Hiro in the balls,
    sending him down to his knees, now a mere wheezing, sweating pile of
    adolescence.
    "HIRO!" Uglina screeched meanly, "DON'T CONTRADICT ME!" Hiro vomitted, saw
    God, and then passed out.
    *Later, at the dance club*
    "Dishonorable music makes me feel like I'm in some stupid late-1980's Japanese
    cartoon..." Shang grumbled, as he and Hiro sat at the bar, looking at all the
    drunken, rythym-impaired people flopping around on the floor.
    "Come on Hiro!" Uglina came by in good spirits, addressing Hiro, "Lets dance!"
    "Hey... easy lady, I think you're a hottie and everything, but otherwise, you
    suck." Hiro honestly stated.
    "Oh you're such a kidder Hiro!" Uglina grabbed Hiro's arm with her hand
    tightly, and Hiro attempted to pull free, but he was powerless under her
    amazing man-strength.
    "Shang, you can dance with Katra." Uglina suggested, pointing to the
    half-naked queer running across the dance-floor with a pair of underwear
    strapped onto his head.
    _"Dishonor..."_
    Shang's eyes went wide with terror, his eyebrows twitching spazmodically, the
    thought of Katra dancing with him made Shang feel dishonorable beyond mortal
    reckoning. He took out his sword and was about to commit honorable suicide
    when an explosion rocked the entire club, shutting off all the power, dimming
    the lights and turning off the music.
    "What was that?" some guy asked.
    "Its the boogeyman!" Someone said. Numerous fearful voices began chattering
    away frightenedly...
    "The Boogeyman?? Oh no!" one man yelled in panic
    "Not the Boogeyman!" a woman screamed.
    "Were doomed!" another voice panickedly shot through the club.
    "You are all my prisoners now!" an evil voice boomed through the darkness.
    "No way!" Some chick said in disbelief.
    "Yes! BWA HA HA HAHA!!!!!!!11111111111" The evil voice laughed.
    "Hey everyone! Lets run away!" A guy somewhere in the club crowd suggested.
    Then a screaming stampede of people vacated the club. And the lights came back
    on.
    "Mr DJ, play that funky music..." Katra sung off-key as he danced around half
    naked in the middle of the dance floor, completely oblivious to everything that
    didn't involve flagrant homosexuality. Troa came walking out of the men's
    bathroom with a long line of toilet paper hanging off his pant leg.
    "What happened?" Troa asked.
    "Hmm... they usually dont think of actually running away when I do that." the
    evil voice said.
    Everyone looked to a remote corner of the room to see a kid with long hair, in
    a braid.
    "Who're you?" Uglina asked the boy.
    "Im Deuce! Deuce Maxwell!" The young man said as he jumped around and did cool
    poses.
    But then.....
    *SHATTER!* Suddenly, NINJAS burst in through all of the windows in the dance
    club throwing Chinese stars and smoke bombs all over the place! And before
    anyone could react... The ninja's had already swarmed around Uglina!
    "Uglina!" Hiro yelled.
    "AHAHAHA! U R SUX!" The head ninja said loudly, "WE R TAYKING UGLEENA HOSTIJ!
    JUST TRI TO STOWP US!!!"
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hiro howled as the ninja's all began to escape using
    their magical ninja powers. Soon after, Uglina and the ninja's were gone...
    Hiro then wept openly.
    "Dishonorable little priss." Shang sneered.
    Hiro pounded his fist on the bar repeatedly. "She was so HOT!" Hiro then sat
    down at the bar and started drinking casually.
    After a few minutes...
    "...Well.... then.... let's go after them and get her back!" Troa triumphantly
    declared.
    "Ehh." Hiro shrugged.
    Troa coughed in disbelief. "HEY! Don't you LIKE her or something?"
    Hiro looked over to Shang, who rolled his eyes.
    "Dishonorable new guys," Shang huffed. "They don't know ANYTHING."
    "What?" Troa scratched his head. "What is up with you guys?"
    Hiro Sighed...
    "Listen, if we just went off and 'did things' like you're suggesting we do,
    this series would make a lot of sense."
    "But isnt that the IDEA?" Troa asked.
    "No-no-no. In case you forgot, this is a GUNDAM series. The POINT of GUNDAM is
    to be STUPID, you know? Lots of plotholes, political jargon, and ugly stupid
    ambiguously gay characters, etcetera...."
    "I refuse to believe that." Troa said.
    And so, Troa was removed from the story by the author, who never liked him
    anyways.
    THE END
    ....Ha Ha! just kidding!
    "We have to save Uglina!" Hiro said frantically as he ran out of the bar with
    all of the other pilots behind him.
    "..now where did I park that Gundam?" Hiro looked up and down the streets
    outside the club for a giant mobile suit.
    "DOH!" Hiro yelled when saw a tow-truck escaping down the street with his
    Gundam attached. Hiro had obviously not paid the meter.
    *2 WEEKS LATER*
    Everyone had pooled the money to get Hiro's Gundam out of impound, and off
    they were to the ninja's secret hideout.
    *AT THE NINJAS SECRET HIDEOUT*
    "O NO THAY FOWND OWR SECRIT HY-DOUBT!" one of the ninja guards exclaimed, only
    to fall victim to being stepped on by Hiro's Gundam.
    Other ninjas then quickly burst from out of the hideout brandishing swords,
    chinese stars, poison darts, Richard Simmons tapes and other deadly ninja
    weapons, they attacked with a bleeding ferocity. And before the pilots could
    react, the ninja blades had struck them a near infinite number of times...
    ....Of course, this really didn't matter much because all of the pilots were
    in Hiro's heavily armored Gundam. Hiro fired missiles and lasers at the
    ninja's, and they died.
    "O NOOOO!" The last one howled before he was exploded to death.
    "Let's go find Uglina!" Hiro heroically cheered.
    Then everyone jumped out of the Gundam and entered the hideout.
    "HAHAHA! 2 LAYT 4 U!!!!!!!!!1111" The ninja master yelled as five ninjas
    dressed in matching red uniforms jumped out at the pilots.
    But Hiro quickly unleashed the mighty powers of JESUS CHRIST! And the heathen
    ninjas bloodily exploded in a flash of THE LORD's power! Hiro cackled
    maniacally as the bodyparts and guts and blood and brains and eyeballs rained
    from the ceiling.
    "No Jesus, no peace." Hiro growled in the state of ultimate catchphrase.
    "O NO!!!!!1" The master ninja yelled as he tried to escape.
    "HAI-YA!" Hiro mightily chopped the ninja master, who also exploded. Brains
    and guts and gallbladders and spleens and pacemakers flew about the room.
    "AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!11" Hiro roared in laughter, and the entire room became
    afraid of him.
    "Uhh.. good job Hiro?" Katra meekly asked him after the bloody conflagration
    had ceased.
    "Thanks." Hiro lightly tapped Katra on the shoulder with his fist, in
    "Guy-approval" but Katra, for some reason, exploded in a gory spectacle of
    death. Bloody eyeballs and brains and bones and black stuff.
    "....dang.." Hiro looked quizzically at his fist.
    Shang's face looked questioningly at Hiro for a moment, then he walked over to
    one of the walls and opened up the control-panel dictating each character's
    attributes, examining the panel, Shang noted that Hiro's gore-meter was set to
    "Bloody-Death". Shang turned it back down to "Destroy".
    "Aww." Hiro moped.
    Anyways, everyone moved into the next room where Uglina was tied up.
    "Its about freaking time!" She scolded them.
    "Aww." Hiro moped.
    And so, the entire Gundam team minus Katra, had saved the day once again!
    TO BE CONTINUED! (We are drawing near the end, I fear.)
    


	10. The Fonz


    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 10: "Read this Chapter!"
    --For 'The Fonz.' (You are still the COOLEST, Fonzi... If only you
    knew how cool you were.)--
    "Oh no! Raptors with laser-guns!" Someone screamed at the top of their lungs.
    "Damn! Not again!" Hiro growled as he went for his Gundam. Shang quickly followed.
    "Hiro! Shang!" Uglina yelled, "Don't even think of taking them on! They've
    developed speech! And Laser-guns! They're too smart!"
    "Dishonor those dishonorable scientists!... Don't they know that science shouldn't
    be used to ressurect dinosaurs???" Shang cursed.
    "Kroikey!" Some Austrailian guy said. "These raptahs are smaht! They've built
    layza-guns! I need a Foster's! (Foster's, Australian for beer.)"
    But just as Hiro was about to get into his Gundam, he turned around stoically and
    gazed at Uglina with a romantic longing....
    "Uglina," He spoke, "If I don't come back from this mission, I want you to know..."
    He paused, and choked down some tears...
    "... I want you to know..."
    "That... I love you, Uglina."
    "...Hiro?" Uglina sniffled, "You... love me?"
    ".....Yeah! Not only that! But I also STOLE YOUR PANTIES!!!! WOO!!" Deuce and Hiro
    high-fived several times and then they both jumped into their Gundams and ran off.
    ::LATER AFTER FIGHTING THE RAPTORS AND LOSING::
    "Damn raptors! They're too smart!" Troa spat.
    "Son of a bitch, stupid fucking shit." Katra tittered.
    "You guys! We need to figure out a way to defeat the raptors!" Uglina proposed. And
    then she began to talk in the background, where nobody would be able to hear her.
    "Cocksmoking sons of bitches..." Katra giggled, and then stormed angrily out of the
    room.
    "What the Dishonor is up with him?" Shang asked.
    "He's gay. I know that fits into it somehow..." Hiro shrugged.
    "Ahh yeah... Forgot." Shang started to pick his nose disinterestedly. Meanwhile,
    Katra fell into a spike pit and died.
    "Hey! Are you even listening??" Uglina snapped her fingers.
    "Uh huh." Said Hiro, not listening.
    "You are not!" Uglina challenged him.
    "Yeah, knots... that'll stop them... good idea.." Hiro hummed as he carved a dirty
    word into the coffee table with a knife.
    Uglina slapped Hiro. "OUCH!" Hiro spat teeth. "Whaja do that for!?"
    Troa cut in to say something.
    "Uhh.. Why don't we just genetically clone something long-extinct, that is smarter
    than a raptor?" Troa suggested.
    "And what would that be, Troa?" Everyone asked comically in unison. (Cue: laughtrack)
    "Why... The Fonz, of course! He knows everything! And he's COOL!" Troa proclaimed.
    And then did the cool Fonzie, "EHH!" thing.
    "Yeah!" Hiro agreed, "Once, in fifth grade, I saw a health video with him as the
    host, and he said that if a grownup ever touched you in a place you didn't want them
    to, you should yell and scream until someone comes to help you!"
    "The Fonz is the coolest!" Shang squealed like a little girl.
    "Waitaminit guys! He's not dead!" Uglina exclaimed, "Let's go find him now!"
    And so the Gundam pilots and Uglina all went to the Fonz's house...
    :: AT THE FONZ'S HOUSE ::
    The pilots and Uglina all arrived at the Fonz's house, with a large group of little
    kids behind them, all-wearing makeshift Fonzie-Gear.
    "Ding-dong!" Uglina rung the doorbell. Then half a minute later, later THE FONZ
    opened the door.
    "Hiya kids, what do you want?" He asked.
    "FONZIE! EEK!" Shang fainted.
    Fonzie's face flattened sadly...
    "I'm sorry kids, but I'm not the Fonz anymore...." Fonzie said sadly, "I'm just a
    washed-up old guy named Henry Winkler now..."
    Everyone in the crowd began to go 'No!' and 'Why, Fonzie?' when he said that.
    "..No, Fonzie!" Uglina pleaded, "We need your help! Raptors with laser-guns have
    started taking over the world! And we can't stop them!"
    "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Fonzie's eyes bugged out of his head. "...Dammit..." Fonzie
    clenched his jaw as the scenery paled into darkness. And Fonzi began to run a
    dramatic inner-monologue.
    **_"So... The Raptors with laser guns are finally here, eh?...
    I never thought I would see this day... It was prophecized in the book of Barkoz
    fifty-score ago that the raptors would rise from the ashes and build laser-guns...
    And then they would use those laser-guns to destroy the world... But... I didn't
    expect them today...
    Why?.... WHY?? WWWWHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!? DAMN YOU, WORLD!" _**
    "So Fonzie? Can you help us?" Troa asked, breaking him out of his monologue.
    "...." Fonzie grit his teeth, "I.... I Can't..."
    Everyone in the crowd began to go 'No!' and 'Why, Fonzie?' again.
    "Because... I'M NOT FONZIE ANYMORE!!...." He yelled over the crowd, silencing them
    all. "...I hung that coat up a long time ago!"
    Everyone stood quietly for a minute, Fonzie broke in... his voice quavering. "Don't
    you kids get it? I'm a nobody! A has-been! I'm not fit to be Fonzie anymore!..."
    "..Just get out of here! All of you!" he fell to his knees in shame, and wept
    softly.
    The silence was sickening thenafter... numerous children in the crowd, (and Shang)
    began to cry. And then slowly, the back ranks of the crowd turned to go home.
    But Hiro then decided that he had had-enough of Fonzie's pathetic self-loathing, and
    he spoke up. "C'mon Fonzie, that's not you! You're not a quitter! You taught me that
    if a grown-up tried to touch me in my special place, that I should scream and holler
    until someone came to help.... THAT is who you are. You can't change it! It's your
    destiny to save this world!" The children who were leaving, all gathered back into
    the crowd upon hearing Hiro's words.
    Fonzie's shame-hung head lifted a little, "...You... You saw that video?"
    "Yeah! And remember what the first thing you said in the video was?" Hiro asked
    with everyone nodding behind him.
    "...I remember..." Fonzie started. "It ... was.... **'Kids... if youze don't
    wants-no grownups touchin' you in ya' special-places. Tell em that Fonzie said,
    'no'!'**"
    "...**Yes!**...I remember it now!"
    "So!" Hiro concluded. "Would Fonzie just stand-by and let grown-ups touch kids in
    their special places without a fight?"
    "...No!" Fonzie's chin rose confidently.. "Fonzie... I mean.. **I** would've
    fought!"
    Uglina then added "...And would Fonzie just stand by while a bunch of raptors with
    laser-guns tried to touch the WORLD in **IT'S** special place, by destroying it?"
    Uglina then walked up beside Hiro, and clasped his hand in a scinematic vision of unity
    and romance.
    "No! He wouldn't!" Fonzie agreed, his self-esteem returning to full power.
    "..And would Fonzie forgive a forty year-old man who sent naked pictures of himself to
    Fonzie that showed the guy touching his own special-place and sucking on a banana
    that had 'Fonzie' written on it with a sharpie?" Some fat, forty year-old guy with a
    scraggly beard asked, hoping to gain the spirit of the crowd.
    "No way! That's sick! Fonzie don't go for that sick-stuff!" Fonzie's chest puffed out
    confidently.
    "Aww man." the fat guy slunk off into the shadows, never to be seen again.
    "Now Fonzie, we need your help. You're the only one who can defeat the raptors!"
    Uglina proclaimed, followed with a cheer from everyone in the crowd.
    "So what do you say?" She asked finally.
    Fonzie's eyes glittered in heroic confidence.
    "I say...
    'EHHH!'" He did the patented move and stuck both of his thumbs up, and
    all of the kids cheered. Hiro and Uglina started making-out, and Shang fainted
    again.
    "Yeah!" Fonzie stood up tall. "Let's go, youze kids!" Everyone cheered as they all
    marched-off into the sunset.
    And on to the final battle.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    (Afternote: The video that Hiro speaks of, REALLY exists. I saw it, though it was
    ten years ago and I've forgotten the name of it now... But it changed my life
    forever.)
    


	11. Read this chapter!


    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 11: "Fonzie... Super Saiyan?"
    --FOR DAVE BARRY: Who is my personal hero. He helped me learn how to write.--
    Evreyone followed behind Fonzie as they marched into the city, on to the final battle.
    "Fonzie!" One yelled, "You're the greatest!"
    "Ehh!" He replied.
    "Fonzie!" another called out. "Can I have your autograph?"
    "Ehh!" He called back.
    "Fonzie!" Another screamed. "Your bike is on fire!"
    "EHH?!" Fonzie looked over to his bike, now a smoldering crater. Shang screamed and
    fainted, but when he fell down, he hit his head on the ground, and died.
    "SHANG! NOOO!" Uglina slugged Hiro in the stomach to relieve her fury. Hiro died
    from this.
    "Oh no! Hiro! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" She stabbed herself in the heart with her katana,
    killing herself as well.
    "Tee hee!" Katra giggled as his head then exploded for no reason.
    "Ahh! I'm dying!" yelled Troa as he then died.
    "Finally!" Said Deuce, "I didn't get ANY lines in this damn stor- ARGH!" he died too.
    "You'ze kids need some prozac." Fonzie stated, "It's just a bike."
    But now it was just Fonzie versus the raptors. Nobody could get in his way.
    "HEY! YOUZE RAPTORS!" He called out. As all of the kids following him ran for safety
    from the impending battle.
    "SCREE!" Shrieked the raptors, as several came out from behind buildings, wielding
    their laser-guns and looking menacing.
    "C'MON OUT!" Fonzie yelled, all cool and stuff.
    "SCREE?" Asked the head raptor, as he called out his raptor minions to meet Fonzie.
    "Yeah! Youze!" Fonzi called out, "It's time to END this!"
    "SCREE!" it screamed as over a thousand raptors came out of hiding, and filled the
    streets, each training their laser guns on Fonzie.
    And the land was silent... Nobody made a sound....
    ...All except the circus clowns that couldn't seem to stop honking their clown horns!
    "HONK! HONK!" Said the clowns.
    "LOL @ CL0WNZ!!!!!111" Laughed internet-guy.
    "Internet-a guy-a!" Yelled Fat-Italian-Chef Man. "You-a stole-a my pizza-a! Get-a
    back-a here-a!" He comically chased internet-guy around with a frying pan.
    "OMG! G2G C U ALL L8R!" Internet-guy yelled as he ran away.
    But then suddenly, with this untimely distraction, the raptors attacked Fonzie
    without warning!
    "BYEW! BYEW! BYEW!" The lazerguns fired all at once. And the area where Fonzie stood
    was completely incinerated in a blinding flash of laser-light and confetti.
    Smoke billowed up and obscured one's ability to see what had happened to Fonzie...
    but it was just as well, by all logic, he couldn't have gotten away.
    "SCREE!" the raptor's leader announced victory over yet another petty foe who
    challenged the raptor's undeniable might. And when the cloud of smoke finally cleared,
    all that was left, was a scorched leather jacket and biker's scarf.
    "FONZIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" Shang screamed, and
    fainted.
    "DAMN YOU RAPTORS!!" Hiro cussed. "For that, we're going to DESTROY you!"
    "Hiro..." Uglina began.. "You can't possibly win!"
    Hiro's face, drenched in tears of fury, focused intently on the ground... "I'm sorry
    Uglina..." He growled, "But there's no other way..."
    "YA! GUNDAM PIL0TZ R0XX0R!!!!11" Cheered internet-guy.
    "SUPER ULTRA MEGA GUNDAM POWERS UNITE!" Hiro called to the heavens, as from out of
    the sky, all of the pilot's Gundams came into view, and began to form together, to
    create the ultimate creation of the Gundam pilot's powers.
    "Gundam X..." Uglina held her breath, as the giant behemoth lowered itself from the
    sky.
    "LETS GO!" Hiro yelled, and they all magically flew into the super-Gundam, and said
    "Right!"
    "Prepare to fire Furious-Spiritual-Flower-Beam-Attack!" Hiro yelled out.
    "Right!" the others called. As they each hit the button on their independent
    dashboards marked, "Blow-up stuff" And soon the Gundam was alight with power.
    "FIRE!" The Gundams pilots braced against their seats when the order was given. The
    world shook from the nuclear blast the escaped the gun-barrel and hurtled through the
    air toward the raptors.
    **Of course, since the Gundam pilots already died earlier in the chapter, none of
    that really happened. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA U SUK!!!)**
    The world was silent as the raptors stood victorious over both Fonzie, and the Gundam
    pilots. They all decided they would go play strip-poker later-on to celebrate.
    "O NO! TH1S SUXX0RZ!!!!!11111" Booed internet-guy.
    All seemed lost... UNTIL....
    "HEY!" the raptors all turned their heads to the top of a nearby skyscraper, to see
    Fonzie!
    "Youze raptors are real squares! Ya know that?" Fonzie's eyes narrowed, as he leapt
    off of the skyscraper, falling at supersonic speeds toward the ground.
    "SCREE!" The raptor leader clenched his jaws together... Somehow, Fonzie had avoided
    the laser guns!... But he would think about how that happened, later.
    "O YA! UR SUXX0RZ R4P70RZ!!!!!!!11111" internet-guy interjected.
    "SCREE!" The order was given to shoot Fonzie to death before he could hit the ground.
    And the guns raised to blast him.
    But before any could fire a shot, Fonzie disappeared in mid-fall! The raptors looked
    around, confused....
    Until...
    *CRUNCH!* One raptor was flattened by Fonzie's knee as he suddenly reappeared above
    the group. The raptor went straight to hell and fell into a pot of boiling pee.
    "SCREE!" the leader yelled more orders to attack Fonzie.
    Fonzie took off like a rocket in a flying hurricaine-kick that disemboweled and
    beheaded hundreds of raptors as he ripped through the masses, blood and brains spewed
    everywhere in tidal waves, drowning other raptors to death, the new dead raptors
    spewed poop out of their noses and killed other raptors with the terrible poop-smell.
    Then Fonzi roared an earth shaking roar that exploded the heads of all the raptors
    near him, and they shot gallbladders and spleens out of their eyesockets that flew off
    and beat other raptors to death.
    Fonzie sharply crushed one's skull with a flying sidekick, and three other raptors
    standing next to that raptor died from empathy pains. He then dodged a laser blast,
    which in turn blew up a raptor behind him, spewing guts and diarrhea all over that
    stuck to other raptors and burned them like acid, making them blow up and spew
    intestines and spinal cords all over that wrapped around the throats of other raptors,
    choking them to death, making them explode and do the same thing to other raptors.
    Then Fonzie uppercutted one raptor, sending him flying into space!
    Fonzie finally got to the head raptor, "Youze be next, Jabroni!"
    "SCREE!" It screamed as it quickly fired three blasts of laser at Fonzie. Fonzie
    reflected the lasers off of his shining white smile. Then moving in to to finish the
    raptor leader off.
    *WHUMP!* What Fonzie didn't expect, was that the raptor leader was SUPER KARATE
    RAPTOR... from this, the raptor leader kicked him in the stomach at super speed.
    Fonzie flew backwards and crashed into a building.
    Fonzie sat up, and shook his head. But the raptors had surrounded him!
    "Damn, he was a super karate raptor..." Fonzie spat.
    And the raptors were about to blast him, when all of a sudden....
    **"AH PITY DA FOO WHO MESS WIT FONZIE!"** Mr. T came from out of nowhere and
    smashed two raptors' heads together so hard, that the chunks of brains that came out
    of their heads traveled back in time and lodged in the throats of the raptor's
    mothers, choking them to death too!
    Mr. T started kicking all of the raptors' asses helluva fast! He smashed their heads
    together faster than the eye could see, and one, he grabbed and threw helluva far!
    "Thanks Mr. T!" Fonzie waved a salute to his old friend.
    Mr. T replied, "Cut da jibba-jabba and go after that leader raptor!"
    "Right!" Fonzie ran after the leader raptor.
    TO BE CONTINUED!
    -----------------------Special Heartfelt Afterword for the fans-------------------
    THIS IS THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER! THERE WILL BE NO MORE GUNDAM BS AFTER THE NEXT
    CHAPTER! OH BOY!
    ...But I'd just like to thank my fans for reading.
    Thank you fans....................... NO J/K! U SUK! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
    (No, thanks! Really!)
    


	12. THE END, SUCKA!


    Gundam BS! By Flux Capacitor
    Chapter 12: "The Final Showdown."
    --For Melusine: I can't believe that I didn't dedicate one to you before this.
    Well... at any rate, I'm dedicating it to you because you deserve it. Think of it
    as an early(late?) birthday present. (It would be nice if I could remember when
    your birthday was.)--
    Fonzie was hot on the trail of the super karate raptor... But Donkey-Kong kept
    throwing barrels at him!
    "Hey! Quit it, ya' square!" Fonzie yelled as he jumped over a barrel and scored
    200 points.
    "SCREE!" The raptor victoriously screamed as it turned a corner and escaped
    Fonzie's view.
    "Damn!" Fonzie spat, "I needs megazord power, NOW!" Fonzie gave the power
    signals and called forth the mighty Ultra-Fonzitron-7. He jumped inside when it
    arrived and picked up the Raptor on his radar...
    "You'ze a dead raptor now, buddy!" Fonzie slammed an oddly familiar button on
    his dashboard that said "Barbara Streisand - Ear Piercing Megamix"
    *KZZT!* But the circuitry in his Megazord didn't agree with him! Electricity
    snapped in Fonzie's face as his entire megazord began to shut down!
    "Damn cheap Japanese piece of crap!" Fonzie yelled as he pounded his fists on
    the dashboard angrily. The Megazord then ejected Fonzie, turned into a rocket and
    flew back to Japan for repairs.
    "...Where the hell is that damn Raptor..." He growled as he looked around. But
    he didn't see a rock that was flying towards his head... So he was hit, and
    knocked out.
    --------------------
    Fonzie awoke sometime later, chained to a fire hydrant. He struggled against his
    chains but it was to no avail. So instead he uprooted the fire hydrant (Which had
    been made in Japan, as it turns out.) and looked around for whomever had thrown
    the rock at his head earlier.
    "SCREE!" Said the raptor, as it stood in front of Fonzie with a malicious
    looking supergun of some kind in it's hands.
    "Isn't youze a little young to be playing with toys?" Fonzie taunted his enemy.
    The raptor glared at him, and then suddenly began to speak, "Well, I wouldn't
    suppose you'd have any better way to kill the legendary Fonzie, now would you?
    This gun IS the Fonziestomper4000, after all."
    "Wait... You'ze not a raptor! You'ze a person in some cheezy raptor-getup! And
    you'ze gay too!" Fonzie declared.
    The Raptor tittered, "I guess you should win a prize for that one..."
    In just a few seconds, the raptor had shed his raptor-getup and revealed the
    most terrible evil ever concealed behind Affirmative-Action...
    "I shoulda knownz it, Katra Rabaabaa Winner." Fonzie scowled at the gay boy with
    the giant gun in his hands. "I knew you couldn't have died.... You always comez
    back, damnit."
    "I see you've caught on where other's never could...." Katra grinned evilly.
    "You see, through my unparalelled mastery of homosexuality, I have gained
    immortality." He poured himself a glass of wine, and began to drink, like a FAG.
    "See, as a homosexual, I am entitled to special benefits by the government, but
    denied certain things at the same time...
    "For instance, I am not allowed to join the military, but I am allowed to become
    immortal in the state of Vermont. So you see how I have benifitted from this."
    Katra explained. "Next week, my people will lobby and claim discrimination if we
    aren't given the entire state of California on which to feed our insatiable
    appetites for HUMAN BRAINS!"
    "You'ze one sick son of a gun." Fonzie gnashed his teeth...
    "Yes, but you see, I am quite immortal, and thus, you can't stop me! So I can be
    as sick as I want to be!" Katra began dancing around like the most gay man ever.
    "And speaking of killing you now, I think I will do just that, in exactly FIVE
    SECONDS!"
    Fonzie had to think quick. Otherwise Katra would have the best of him.... He had
    to think of some simple thing that he could do that would negate Katra's
    immortality, so then he could be killed... But what could he think of doing in
    only five seconds?
    Acting with super Fonzie speed, Fonzie logged onto the internet in .4 seconds,
    using his AOL account, And in 1.9 seconds, quickly wrote a personalized
    three-page email to the representatives of every state in the USA. Telling them
    about the situation. He waited, and congress got back to him in .7 seconds,
    saying they'd hold legislation on it in .4 seconds. Fonzie went out and got a
    soda while he waited for the legislation to commence. --.7 more seconds later,
    Fonzie saw on the TV that every law supporting and favoritizing the gay minority
    had been dissolved thanks to Fonzie's quick effort. And that was all he needed to
    hear. And with 1.6 seconds to spare, he attacked!
    **"Carebear STARE!"** Fonzie released the magical caring energy from his
    belly, and knocked the gun from Katra's limp wrists.
    "NOOO!" Katra fell backwards onto a mailbox, which fit snugly into his terribly
    oversized butthole.
    "Game over, Jabroni." Fonzie growled as he wielded the allmighty KARATE CHOP
    above his head.
    And with an ear shattering roar, he brought his hand down toward the
    fear-paralyzed Katra...
    -----------
    "FONZIE! WAIT!" He heard from behind him. His hand stopped mere nanometers from
    splitting Katra's head wide open. He turned around to see the Gundam pilots all running towards him.
    "Fonzie! You can't do it! As terrible of a character as Katra is, he's got the
    right to live just like the rest of us do. Gay people aren't evil, they're just
    misunderstood! And poorly represented in this fanfic by the author!" Uglina told
    him between pants.
    Hiro then added, "If you kill him, you'll be prolonging a damaging stereotype
    that isn't in the slightest bit true!"
    "Yeah, but.... uhh..... Well I'm still gonna hit him." Fonzie explained, as he
    then Karate chopped Katra anyways, knocking him out.
    "Ah pity da foo." Mr. T said, and everyone had a hearty laugh.
    ------------ :SIX MONTHS LATER!: --------------
    At Hiro and Uglina's wedding, Katra showed up. Rehabilitated from his evil ways,
    and he now had a girlfriend. Her name was Frank.
    "She sure is pretty dishonorably ugly for a chick." Shang whispered to Deuce.
    "That's because she's from Canada." Deuce explained.
    Of course, all of the Gundam Pilots were now romantically involved with someone
    at this point. Shang, Troa and Deuce met three sisters on their last visit to
    Disneyland, and they all fell hopelessly in love with one another...
    Shang is dating the oldest sister, named Brittany.
    Troa is dating the fattest sister, named Eleanor.
    And Deuce is dating the nerdy sister, named Jeanette.
    ...Little did they know, the sisters were really BRAIN EATING ALIENS! AND WHEN
    NOBODY WAS LOOKING, THEY TRANSFORMED INTO MONSTERS AND ATTACKED THE GUNDAM
    PILOTS! OH NO!
    "ARGH!" Yelled Troa, just before Eleanor inserted her probiscus into his head
    and sucked his brains out!
    "BLUAGH!" Yelled Troa.
    "BOOG:KFJLSKDOIDHOSIH!" Roared Eleanor, as she then used the ingested brains and
    DNA of Troa to fuse together with Brittany and Jeanette creating the terrible and
    disgusting organism known as BRANDON HYMES! (Brandon Hymes = gross, for all you
    people who don't know him.)
    "God damnit..." Fonzie shook his head as he walked off. "I'ze quittin this story."
    ------------
    "GRRR! NOBODY messes with my friends and gets away with it!" Hiro jumped out
    ahead of the group, and assumed his most powerful fighting stance....
    -Metal Mullet Buffalo Stance #5-
    "BISJHDKSJDKJSDLIJSDNKLFLSJLSJD!" The Brandon Hymes screamed, as it ran at Hiro
    with all of it's might...
    _And in a heartbeat, each Gundam pilot prepared himself against the threat...
    ...Shang readied his katana...
    ...Deuce tripped and knocked all of his teeth out on a rock that was sitting
    on the ground...
    ...Troa flopped around on the ground because his brains had been sucked out...
    ...Quatre exploded..._
    "BRUALGHTLDJSLJDLSJD!" The Brandon Hymes roared as it crashed into the spot
    where Hiro had once been standing. But Hiro powered up to Super Saiyan level 4
    and dodged the attack... Then powering up the Kamehameha wave...
    Shang, in the meantime, Raised his sword for the legendary
    Tatsukumarisukasenjimasukadesupokumaidomoarigatomrrobottoshininkunai attack...
    Quatre's guts rained on the monster and blinded it...
    Duo sat up and spat his teeth out, right into the monster's face...
    Troa flopped around on the ground, because his brains had been sucked out...
    And with that, Hiro released the mighty Kamehameha, as Shang let loose the
    devastating Tatsukumarisukasenjimasukadesupokumaidomoarigatomrrobottoshininkunai,
    right into the face of the monster, existance reverted to negative space, as
    everything in the world suddenly ceased to exist.
    *Three hours later, when the mess had been cleaned up, and the world came back
    into existance*
    "...Do you, Hiro Yui, take Uglina Stanton to be your lawfully wedded wife, to
    have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as you live, surrenduring
    your own personal freedoms to her every beckoning whim, til death do you part,
    even though you will live forever in this torturous unproductive fanfic
    existance?" The preacher said to Hiro.
    "Well if you put it that way..... BYE!" Hiro ran away.
    "DAMN YOU HIRO!" Uglina screamed after him. And then the world got hit by a
    giant asteroid, and everybody died.
    ** THE END! **
    ---------------------------------
    Afternotes:
    Brandon Hymes, is actually Brandon Himes, (with an "I") one of my friends in real
    life. And he so harrassed me to insert him in one of the chapters, that I named the
    giant ugly brainsucking monster after him! HOW CONSIDERATE, HUH?
    On fanfiction.net, his name is "Microfetus" and he has one LITTLE TINY POEM
    posted. (At current) Which just happens to be the best poem ever written. (It takes
    five damn seconds to read, don't act like you don't have time to read it, you
    ungrateful little boogers.)
    ...And that concludes this story. Next is the afterword. And if you got this far,
    you may as well read the afterword as well.
    Thanks for reading Gundam BS!
    


	13. Afterword


    Gundam BS: An afterword for the reader: by Flux Capacitor
    It's been a long year and two months since I started Gundam BS... And as sad as I
    am to bring this story to an end, I must assure you that I had every intention of
    stopping it eventually.
    You see, three months into writing the story, I left for a weeklong vacation to
    the outermost Aleutian island, "Blyendiskof" and in doing so, I put chapter two on
    hiatus for until I got back. I was most alarmed to check my voice mail on the
    second day of relaxation to hear none other but my own fanfic, Gundam BS, screaming
    at me to keep writing it. It left over three hundred messages in one day. It
    threatened that it would strangle my children and sodomize my wife and me to death
    if I didn't keep writing it...
    I was scared, certainly... But what choice did I have than to obey? I had no idea
    what it was capable of. And what authority could I go to, for God's sake?
    ...So I brought the family home the next day, and began my painful enslavement to
    the devil's very own works... I worked and toiled endlessly, refining each comic
    point, until the fanfic told me it was okay to proceed to the next joke. It was
    hell, in so few words. Chapters went tediously, taking upwards of a month each to
    finish... But around chapter eight, the fanfic seemed momentarily satiated, and it
    didn't bother me for a while...
    But by then, my wife had left me, and my children had all but forgotten me as
    their father. I tried to tell them I was doing it for their sake... I tried to tell
    them I did it because I loved them... But I was only rewarded with my wife's
    wedding ring being thrown back in my face.
    ...She said I didn't love her....
    ...She said I only loved the fanfic...
    WELL SHE WAS WRONG!... YOU WERE WRONG, GOD DAMNIT! _I LOVED YOU, DIANE!_
    ....
    ...The very day... after the divorce was finalized, and I had signed over my house
    to her. I took the three things I still posessed, (My computer, my clothes, and a
    laser pointer) and went to live in a communal homeless shelter in the Bronx of New
    York. Where every day, the ruffians and bums that I lived with would harass me...
    Throwing things at me as I toiled thanklessly on this God-forsaken fanfiction.
    And then, one night when I slept, Snake Blakestone, a local gang-leader, decided
    that he would smash my computer with a block of concrete...
    I really would have liked it if he had pulled it off... Really... I would have
    loved it... He could have freed me from my pain...
    But he was found dead the next day, hung by his own alligator-skin belt, swinging
    around on the grimy ceiling fan in the bathroom.
    I laughed then, to tell you the truth... I laughed at that poor bastard. I laughed
    because nobody could figure it out.... I laughed... because it was kind of funny,
    watching him swing around, suspended by his throat... But I laughed mostly..
    because I didn't know how to cry anymore.
    ----
    Six months later... Here I am... a broken shell of a man. Nowhere to go. Nobody to
    call my own. And all I have to show for my effort is a chronic pantswetting
    condition, (From when the fanfic wouldn't even let me get up to go to the
    bathroom.) and fingers... worn down to the knuckles.
    So as you have read this fanfiction, I just hope you know that by reading it...
    you are prolonging my pain indirectly.
    Who knows? If the fanfic gets enough reviews... it may want a continuation...
    A CONTINUATION, for God's sake!
    Heh, it figures... Those who have power, from then on, only crave more power.
    Yeah? Well **FUCK-YOU**, FANFIC! You'll never get to me where I'm going now!
    I'll be out of your reach! No matter how powerful you become... **YOU JUST TRY AND
    GET ME!**
    Heh... I'll be on the news, fanfic. I'LL BE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING NEWS! Not like
    you ever will, you second-rate pile of drivel.
    _So gather around children...
    -Because now starts the real adventure._
    


End file.
